I want to talk about this idea of what kind of lifestyle is necessary to take a spiritual journey seriously. And I just want to say that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a monk or a householder. It doesn’t make any difference at all. There’s no guarantee one way or the other, and no hindrance one way or the other. Ultimately it isn’t about that.
I want to talk about Jean Klein, who was my first realized teacher. He was not a monk. He was a medical doctor, and a concert violinist, and a musicologist, and had two grown daughters before he really entered his path. In fact he was on the last train out of Germany into France before the Nazis closed the border; it was a tumultuous period of time. And he went off to India to explore the deeper meaning of life, because clearly what was going on in Europe was insane. I want to get back to Jean later when we talk about integration and leaving the retreat, because he had some things to say that I think are really beautiful and appropriate; but I don’t want to say them just yet.
The only thing that’s required for the spiritual journey to come to fruition is that one has to come to that place where the profound desire to be free of suffering is the number one priority. That’s all that’s required; the rest will take care of itself. That’s the only thing that’s required.
Q. Put another way, you’d have to be suffering intolerably? Is that the same thing?
Jon: Could be. But there are many people who are suffering intolerably who fundamentally want to be comfortable in a temporal sense, so I wouldn’t say that that was it, necessarily.
I can talk about my own case, which some of you may not know about. When I was sixteen, I reached a point in my life where it was either find happiness or die. I was so driven and so achievement-oriented that I really made type A look catatonic. Seriously! That’s the truth; anybody who knew me back then will confirm it. So I was very lucky that I had an awakening at sixteen, because otherwise I’d be dead.
Interestingly enough, I didn’t know what happened to me at the time. It was clearly a big experience—which is an interesting story in and of itself—but I didn’t really know what had happened until I was twenty, when I was fortunate enough to have a reading with Anne Armstrong, a very respected psychic. She told me that I’d had many lifetimes as a celibate monk, and that I knew what to do to set myself up, as a young person in this life, to facilitate an awakening at sixteen. Because I wasn’t religious, and I didn’t know anything about meditation or spirituality or anything like that.
Anyway, it happened, and it changed my whole life, and she acknowledged what had happened to me when I met her at twenty. But what I wanted to say was that that was the beginning of the path. The awakening was sort of a wake-up call. Many people awaken but don’t necessarily get on the path. Awakening is really not a big deal; it’s really what we are. Grace is really our fundamental nature, and many people experience it in many different ways. But it does require being at the end of your rope, to a certain degree, for freedom from suffering to really become your main priority. That’s absolutely essential. Because it takes a kind of determination that is unrelenting.
But you’ve demonstrated that determination, actually; that’s what I’m here to say. You’ve already demonstrated that this weekend, even if you’re in a process right now, even if you’re not really in a groovy space. There are people who are in a very groovy space right now; I know, I’ve been talking to them. I won’t embarrass them by mentioning their names, but there’s a range of where people are right now in this room. So if you’re in a process, and a lot has been stirred up, be careful not to judge the quality of your retreat based on that.
The truth is, you’re not qualified to judge it. You don’t really know how you’re doing. That’s really the truth. That’s not a put-down; that’s really the truth. If you live in the question, you’ll find out over time. If you’re confused, or if you’re stirred up, I encourage you to hang in there. In a way, it’s kind of tricky to come to a short retreat, where it’s actually very hot. It’s a little tricky, because it does move a lot. Those who have been here numerous times and have had the experience, they get it. But if you haven’t, and you don’t know, it can be a little disorienting.
So you’ll take the retreat with you. The work you’ve done here doesn’t end here; it’s going to continue. Some part of you made the choice to be here, and I believe you can trust that part of you. And when you leave, really take time to check in with yourself, to be still, to not just automatically get back into all the habits of your life. It’s very easy to do that; it’s like a tsunami that’s ready to swallow you up as soon as you get out the door. It can happen! So I really encourage you to make the effort to be conscious. And stopping—meditating—can help.
One of the things that Jean said, which I really think is appropriate, was “it’s not good to work too much.” He said, “spend some time every day in openness.” He didn’t say “sit on your cushion and meditate forty minutes a day.” But it might turn out to be that way. Or it might be three hours, who knows? It’s not a rigid prescription. He also said, “when there is no one meditating, then meditation is happening.” The form of meditation is not meditation. The forms of meditation are a setup to, God willing, discover real meditation, the so-called openness, or grace, of our true being.
So you become available, even in the struggle, even in the turbulence. You say OK, yes to this even, yes to this moment; and then allow transformation to happen. And you may cry, and you may scream, and you may shake in fear; all of that may happen. That’s just movement, that’s just the unwinding of the ego-protective wall. That is not who we are, that’s just the crumbling and dissolving of the false self. Let it happen. That’s what you want. Isn’t it?
The truth is, you’ve done incredibly well here. It’s been a beautiful, beautiful retreat. It’s an incredible pleasure to be sitting with you this morning, and just feeling how you’ve been doing your work. Believe it or not, you have been doing your work. There’s a huge difference from day one, from when we arrived. Huge. And for those that know me, I don’t fib about that kind of thing.
Everyone’s path is unique. It’s important to know that. You may read books by teachers, or people you respect, and think, “well I guess that’s the way it’s supposed to happen. That’s what happened to them, right?” Or if I tell my story, it’s what happened to me. But you have your own story in that regard, and that’s going to unfold in its own unique way for you. There are common elements that everyone shares, and when you begin to get it, you can benefit from hearing them and understanding that. But the truth is, your own unfoldment is really very specific to you.
That’s why it’s so important to pay attention, closely, so you begin to let it unravel. There’s no one else who can do that work but you, there’s not going to be any great guru who’s going to zap you into enlightenment. You might get high, you know, in a satsang environment, and kind of dig that high. That’s nice, but that isn’t going to do it for you. You can get addicted to that, and then you stay in that immature, adolescent space of wanting it to be served to you on a silver platter. And it ain’t gonna be!
So once you’ve awakened and you begin to get the hang of it, it’s important to take responsibility, to begin to move towards the truth that you are, and to realize that ultimately you can’t rely on anybody else. On no teacher, no anything. I’m not saying you shouldn’t get support; support is actually very, very important for most people. Learning how to get support is also important, and I’m happy to talk about it with anybody who wants to explore that.
I have benefited greatly from support. It may sound like I’ve been blessed with God knows how many incredible teachers and healers that I’ve been close to, who have mentored me, and it’s true. But that’s because I absolutely couldn’t have survived without them! I was willing to go anywhere on this planet, spend any money, devote any amount of time I had to, because I didn’t have a choice! It was that or death.
So that’s how it worked for me. And there’s a lot available today, in terms of support. As I was saying to Adya the other day, I’m just finding out how to do this, I’m just learning how to teach. And he said “right, that’s how it works.” I’m finding out how to be supportive, in a way. It’s tricky! Very tricky. Anyway, I hope that I’m useful to you. Whatever!
The work that you do is what matters, what really matters. And then, as you get the fragrance—as one of my teachers said, when your nose is clean you can smell the flower. When you get the fragrance, then you’re just plugged right into the transmission. And then that’s very useful; it’s actually very helpful. Just realize it’s you. It’s not that guy over there. It’s not the you that’s the me. It’s the oneness. And when you’re tuned in there, fall in love as much as possible. Completely surrender to love.
Brother David once told me that a monk is encouraged to fall in love as much as possible. Which doesn’t mean to be attached to every single person; that’s not what he meant by love. He meant the big heart, the openness of being. The realization that we are not separate. That is love. That is intimacy. And if you’re not used to it it’s downright frightening, usually.
Please cultivate not-knowing. Find out how to cultivate not-knowing. Be creative. Let me know what you discover; everybody’s mind works differently. I’m not saying cultivate stupidity. That’s not what I’m saying! Trust me, I had to figure out every single thing that ever happened. I told you, my mother used to get me these puzzles, and I was going to figure them out come hell or high water, and I would sit and work on those things for eight hours without stopping. So I was very compulsive in terms of figuring things out.
When I was on a retreat with Jean Klein at Mt. Madonna, many, many years ago, a big shift took place. And he said, “Live in not-knowing.” And the effort to figure things out dropped, completely, at that point. And it was like, aaahhh, it was like a thousand tons of bricks were taken off my back, and I could not believe it. I really realized that I didn’t have to figure it out anymore, that that was like pushing a ten-ton boulder uphill: pointless! It was such a relief, I couldn’t believe it. It was just opening to the presence, realizing that was the teacher, that was the guide, that was the fire of transformation. That was the truth! It wasn’t what I thought; it wasn’t what I believed.
I’m speaking at the deepest level, now, about the deepest level of understanding. The understanding of not-knowing. It’s a relief, a huge relief, and you will feel it. For those that know, you know what I mean. It’s a huge relief when that burden of needing to know falls off. Maybe just for a moment, maybe for an hour, maybe for a weekend. Maybe for the rest of your life. God willing!
The Dalai Llama said that the purpose of life is to be happy. I agree. We all deserve that. Everyone deserves to be happy. That’s really what we want, I believe that’s really what we want. And I pray that each and every one of you finds it.